blog #23

today’s song of the day is inspired by the fact that it’s suicide awareness prevention month (i think)…. but anyways - this is arguably the darkest and hardest song i’ve ever written. i only have one recording of it from when my best friends dad let me use his studio and to this day i skip that song every time because it’s so hard for me to hear.

i wrote it over a year ago actually sitting in my best friends room crying after i found out about some not very fun things about my childhood (i don’t think she knows that i wrote this in her room lol). she’s probably going to read this and be like “where was i and how did i not notice” (it was a blended family event and i stayed behind because you didn’t know the vibes if you could bring someone.) but anyways. i’ll never forget writing it. clearly coco, you seemed to have remembered every detail….

i was so distraught and felt like i had lost all hope. i grew up in a community that had white picket fences everywhere and prior to having the confirmation about what actually happened to me during my childhood- i had prided myself on having an outwardly normal looking childhood because despite this fact i still didn’t have a normal upbringing, i knew how to tell what drug my dad took by just looking at his pupils by the time i hit 5th grade. so the pretty house, the white picket fences, the gate, the everything that i found comfort in making my childhood “look normal” i found was just a facade that kept a CPS phone call from occurring.

that being said, i am definetly still greatful for the childhood that i had. most kids who are being sexually abused as a kids don’t know that anything is wrong and my childhood self smiled through it all. shout out my baby sitters who kept me alive and kept me happy i am forever greatful to sandra and biggie i love you guys♥️.